no. you can't hotbox the world.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
