Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
