Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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