respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
