Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
