My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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