there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
