They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
vagina is talking i cant
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How does one acquire holy water?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
