Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
