my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
