one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
