just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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