am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
