When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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