her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
