Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
as a side note pls kill me
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