He uses pillows to masturbate.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
