If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
