hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
