we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
