I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
