Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
