Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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