I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
