So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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