Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
