If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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