I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
