tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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