my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
