I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
