if i can run in heels then i can drive
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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