I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
