I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
