I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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