worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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