My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He better not be in your backpack
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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