The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i already hear my dad disowning me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
