I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
