I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
