She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
