This girl is more easily done than said...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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