She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
