He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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