nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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