Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
