the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
