Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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