Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
