Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
