opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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