Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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